This past Sunday evening, my church went to a local nursing home to go caroling. I didn't even know people still did that. I thought it was just something done long ago or in Movie Land, but apparently real people still do it to be a blessing to others.
So, I, with my horrible singing voice, caroled along with the others in front of a group of about 20 elderly people. It was... so unreal. I thought I'd be terrified, but it was more like I was asleep, and my dream-self was fading in and out from the nursing home scene to a far off desert, though that may have just been the heat. (It was 81 degrees in that place...) After we sang a handful of songs in the main gathering space, we went around shaking hands, smiling, and wishing everyone a "Merry Christmas". Most of the residents were in wheelchairs, and some were asleep, though others, I'd noticed, had been singing with us. I had one more thing in common with the people who had sung along, so I smiled and thanked them for their enthusiasm. Then we went caroling down the halls...
It was so horrible. The people we sang to while walking down the halls were the ones who'd already fallen asleep or simply couldn't get out of their beds. When we reached the end of the hall, we finished singing, then dispersed to wish the rest of the residents a "Merry Christmas". As I walked down the hall, I saw lights and heard a TV from the room just ahead of me, so I made my way there quickly. When I entered the room, there lay a man, whose name, I later learned, was Michael. I tried my best not to stare at his swollen cranium, probably due to a brain tumor or something equally as horrendous, and quickly stated my line. I went to shake his hand, and stood utterly horrified when I realized he had no limbs. I wasn't horrified by the fact he didn't have any arms or legs, but rather that I'd made a fool of myself and possibly offended the poor man. I looked up into his eyes, which were so sad and ... empty? He didn't utter a word, just sat there looking at me, with so much sadness that I had to look away. I tried to recover by commenting on the Blue's Clues he was watching, but I could only stand another second before I wished him a "Happy New Year" and left. Stupid girl.
I cried. Tears silently slid down my face as I walked down the hall back towards the exit. I popped into a few more rooms, but I couldn't get that horrible, sickening feeling to go away. I made a friend while standing near the exit, Katherine, who, as sweet as she was, couldn't ease that pain still gnawing away at my stomach.
I don't understand how people can be left like that. Maybe their families just couldn't stand to see them in such pain, so they left them to be taken care of by others. It may have been the only thing they could afford. Maybe they didn't have family. Another thing I don't understand is how those people go on living. Michael, for example, looked absolutely miserable. Just to look in his eyes.... It was like hearing him scream for help, but worse because the torment was so bad, he couldn't scream.
I pray for the residents of the nursing home, and everyone like them. I pray that God gives me the opportunity to go back and be a better blessing. And I thank God for teaching me about aging, family, and pain, even though they were tough lessons to learn.
4 comments:
Helen, my step-dad's mom, is in a nursing home. When her husband died in March of '99 it became obvious that he was covering for growing dementia and... well, she wasn't able to take care of herself.
In most cases it's not a lack of compassion that puts a family member in a nursing home (unless you're me; I can't stand Helen) but rather a hard reality that the family is ill-equipped to take care of them. Take Michael, for instance: someone in his condition still needs to eat but without functioning appendages that becomes an impossible task to accomplish on his own. Further, after eating his body still has to get rid of the waste. In his case that likely means a collostomy bag.
Now, assume that Michael has siblings or a wife, or adult children... Taking care of someone in such a state becomes a full time job. Your life becomes tending to them. Also, even people in comas have to be routinely moved to prevent clots and bedsores and if you don't have the strength to physically move the invalid individual then you're only impeding their health care. For that matter, some of these people have breathing problems and what happens if they need CPR and their family doesn't know it?
In most cases families put their loved ones in nursing homes because the staff there is better trained to fulfill the needs of the patient. Helen requires round-the-clock supervision that none of her three sons can manage to give. With her dementia it fails to register to her that she has diabetes--she wants to eat nothing but cookies and sweets and someone has to stop her or her foot falls off.
It's not so terrible when someone is put into a nursing home... but when they're forgotten. My mom's worked in nursing homes all my life so... I've practically grown up in them. Some people don't have family and some don't have family in the area; some don't see their family enough and the best thing for them is volunteers. They get lonely and the best way to be an encouragement to them is by visiting because it's a Tuesday or it's January 3--nothing's happening and someone just dropped by to visit for a while. You'd be surprised how just sitting down and chatting can brighten their day--some of them would like to be able to read but their eyes are going bad and so readers are almost always welcome...
Thank you, Dustin. You brought a whole new perspective to the table, and I'm thankful for it. I think I was just so shocked at the pain that I didn't think clearly about the reasons they were there. It seems like there were quite a few of the residents who were forgotten because they just looked so empty. I'm going to pray about going back and volunteering. I guess it's not so much praying about whether or not I should go, but praying to gather strength.
Hey Brittany, it is Andrea. =)
I go to a Nursing home twice a week when I'm at school. I actually had a talk with a group of my residents just recently about why they are there. Their consensus was that it is the only thing they can afford. They all get $52 dollars a month in SS (Or w/e it is they collect) And that is all the income most of them have. They are all on prescriptions, which cost alot of money. However, if they live in a nursing home, they get free medicine. So, they give their $52 a month to the nursing home to live there, give them food and medicine.
It is sad, because most of them don't have much of anything wrong with them, and would function perfectly well in their own house. A few of them have wives or husbands at home, but they are stuck at the nursing home. Those people, I have never seen their families.
On the other hand, we have three ladies who are in very bad shape, and can't even talk. However, every time I am there, I see their husbands right there next to them. Talking to them, singing to them or reading the Bible to them. It is one of the sweetest things.
We have a church service there on Saturdays, and I go with my room mate to visit on Thursdays. Some of the residents really are very lonely. I love going to visit them. You really get to know some of them.
I'd encourage you to go back regularly. You will really see some of them open up to you, and even see some accept Christ. It is an amazing ministry. But, it is definitely one that takes some getting used to. Even now when I see some of the residents I don't know how to approach them, but it is something that comes with time.
I'm so proud of you Brittany! You have come a long way in your walk with God.
Here is one piece of encouragement that I would love to give you: Everywhere you go learn something from it. It's in the process of learning that God strengthens your heart. Yes, we need to pray for strength from God but it's doing hands on things for him that your able to do things and says things that "without Him" you wouldn't have done or said otherwise.
Phil.4:13
In Titus 2:3-5 we are to learn from the aged women. Ladies that have and are walking down the road ahead of us. It also tells us what kind of aged woman we need to be learning from in vs. 3. Also of what kind of woman we need to be taught to be as well vs. 4-5.
Learn from the life that God has given you. It's not up to God to write your story, it's up to you. You are where you are for a purpose.
He has given us in his word of how he wants for our story to be written and how it will end, but he gives us the Free Will to write it ourselves. With God in our lives, our daily story will be an adventurous one. Without God in our lives, our daily story maybe a boring one. We chose daily how to write our story.
A Servants Heart for the Lord is the key to learning, teaching and applying.
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