Creating, Loving, Serving

As Time Passes...

2010-11-02T07:40:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I last posted. A lot has happened. I've been proposed to (said yes!); I've been planning a wedding, and I attended one (I was the maid of honor for my best friend); I've been searching for work, and finally landed a job (maybe two!); I've hunted down apartments, opened bank accounts, searched for accessories, taken pictures, cried, talked decorations, baked like crazy, prayed, discussed some of the more delicate details, attended pre-marital counseling, started packing my things, prayed some more, participated in church activities, spent some money I shouldn't have, cried even more, and tried my best to thank God for it all.

You know what I haven't been doing? Paying attention. Time is something I have a hard time budgeting. I'm far more stingy with my time than I am my money. Right now I have a little free time and a laptop with internet capabilities, so I'm blogging. I glanced over some of my previous posts before I began. I found this picture:

This picture is so sad. My eyes tear up, and I feel like a huge failure. You know that feeling, like you're at the bottom of a pit, and it's dark and cold and lonely, and all you can do is cry? I'm there, in the mud, dirty, weeping.
I made this card for a lady I had met at a nursing home my church family visited. She was so sweet and loving. Was. I never gave her this card. I kept telling myself, "I need to visit that nursing home again." "Oh, I have to make time for this because I need to see her again, and she'll just love this card." By the time I finally made time, it was too late.

I took my card with me along with a picture of the two of us, and I was so excited! I remember looking through all the rooms for my dear friend, and getting to the end of the hall, and doubling back, tears already starting to get the best of me. I made my way to the desk, asked... no? Are you sure? Could you check again, maybe I spelled it wrong...

Time doesn't wait for you. It surely didn't wait for me, and why should it? What have I got going on that's more important than a "Hi, I'm so glad you're a part of my life! Let me spend some time with you! Let me shine Jesus into your life!" Nothing.

God doesn't waste a single painful experience. I'm not going to waste this painful experience either. I need to be aware of what's going on as time passes me by.

Philip & Wal-Mart

2009-05-07T19:36:00.002-05:00

Isn't it cool when God shows you stories in the Bible and shows you stories in present-day that relate? Isn't it even cooler when God shows you stories in the Bible and makes you a part of stories that relate?

Today I read Acts 2-11. Acts 8:26-39 tells of Philip being directed by the angel of the Lord. Philip was told to go to Jerusalem, so he went. There in Jerusalem was a man from Ethiopia who had come up to worship. He was sitting in his chariot reading about the prophet Esaias and not really understanding what he was reading. The Holy Spirit spoke to Philip and told him to "go near, and join [him]self to this chariot."

Philip went to the chariot and heard the Ethiopian man reading, so he asked him if he understood it. The Ethiopian man said, "How can I, except some man should guide me?" Philip explained all about what the man was reading, telling him about Jesus, and His gift of salvation. When the chariot came to water, the man wanted to be baptized, and, after confirming that he understood, Philip baptized the man.

How cool is that? The Holy Spirit led Philip to a place that he wouldn't have otherwise been to meet someone who wanted to know more about God. That happened to Mrs.Kristy and I today.

We were mosying around Wal-Mart, not looking at anything in particular, and actually spending more time than we really needed to in the clearance aisle, when we were approached by a lady who wanted to know what church we went to. Our skirts gave us away. Apparently our clothing really does speak wonders about us! :)

This woman shared with us that her daughter needed to find another church and that she was worried about not finding a "holy, Bible-preaching church". After talking with the lady for about 10 minutes, we exchanged information with her. Then she shared with me how I should stay with God and submit to Him and I will be blessed beyond my wildest dreams. I know she's right. :)

Isn't that the coolest?! This lady was searching for something, and God guided us together to get answers for her. AWESOME!

Growth & Parallels

2009-05-05T14:05:00.003-05:00

On April 26th, my pastor shared with the Sunday evening group a challenge that a friend of his had given to his youth group: read the New Testament in 30 days. The challenge is called "30 Days of Light", and you read nine chapters a day out of the New Testament. By the end of the thirty days, you'll have read the whole NT and grown into a more mature Christian.

I took up this challenge, as did the rest of the group, and I'm happier than I've been in a long while. I have problems keeping up a daily reading schedule, and an even harder time praying regularly. Since I've been reading, I've learned lots and started praying tons.

The one thing that has hit me over and over again in my reading is personal sacrifice and the willingness to drop all and follow Jesus. Matthew 4:19-22 tells of Jesus calling to the disciples, "Follow me," and the dropped everything and followed Him. Everything. Could I be expected to drop everything and follow Jesus? These men didn't even go back and explain to their families they were leaving; they just left.

Also, Mark 12:41-44 tells of people giving money to the church. The rich cast in lots of money, and there was a poor woman who gave two mites (a very small amount of money). Jesus said the poor woman gave most because she gave all she had, while the others gave of their abundance. Would it really be a sacrifice for a millionaire to give $300 to a charity? Or would it be a sacrifice for a single mother of three working for minimum wage to give $300 to charity? This woman put her faith in God to provide for her and gave all she had. I need to give until it hurts. I need to put my faith in God.

This also made me think of today's government. Lots of people are up in arms about the spending the government's doing. Apparently the president was trying to make people proud of the government's efforts to cut back by announcing that they were going to cut $100k out of the national budget. If a U.S. family that made $120k/year cut $100k out of their spending, that would be something to applaud. But the U.S. spent $2979 BILLION last year. Where's the sacrifice?

It's awesome to see how God's Word applies to our world today. It's awesome to experience God working in my heart and shaping me to be more like Jesus. Thank you God, for loving me.

I HAVE PICTURES! Oh, yeah, and updates...

2009-04-17T19:33:00.005-05:00

Yay, update! I haven't been doing this regularly, and I'm not entirely sure why. Nonetheless, I'm doing it now. There's not a whole lot to post about, but I do have a few pictures and an update or two, so here we go.

-- Applebee's didn't work out. It's a little scary since the economy is so sad-looking, but I have to trust that God will provide me with another job.

-- Joshua has been working at Kroger for a few weeks now, and it's been quite an adjustment to me. Granted, he works the night shift when I'm sleeping, but he's sleeping when I'm awake. Not having many friends to hang out with, this has become an issue. I've felt lonely and bored recently, leading to a slight depression. God was gracious enough to provide me with an old friend I thought I'd lost. I spoke to her a couple days ago on the phone and laughed like I haven't laughed in a long time. God is good. :)

-- Joshua got me flowers! I don't think anyone's ever bought me flowers. Aren't they pretty? I guess that job's not so bad after all... :)

-- I crafted without paper yesterday! Anyone who knows me knows this isn't an everyday occurrence. I make cards with paper (and occasionally with fabric, but mostly paper). If I do craft without paper, I don't usually commit to finishing the project. I have several half-completed creations lying around my room at this very instant. Yesterday, however, I made my dad a Cubs win flag. NO PAPER INCLUDED!

When the Chicago Cubs win a game, they fly the Cubs win flag so that people in the city know the Cubs won. Brilliant! Well, my dad, a huge Cubs fan, is asked several thousand times a day how the baseball game ended. Mum came up with the idea of making Dad the flag for Father's Day, but I didn't think he could wait. Besides, I had all the supplies. So, here's the completed(!) flag:

I'd never hemmed anything other than culottes, and I'd never appliqued anything before yesterday, so I made quite a mess in trying to figure everything out. I had to take a picture because I couldn't describe to you the mess that usually occurs in my room when I craft. My workspace? My bed.

My projects are usually paper-based, so there are usually 100 times more paper scraps, a variety of different types of glue, rolls of tape, ribbons, scissors... it's scary. I usually wake up with paper scraps stuck to me. It's great. :)

Well, that's all I have. Hopefully I'll have more posts later. I like the picture thing, so I think I'll add them more often. 'Til next post (which is hopefully sooner than a month away...)!

Working for the LORD

2009-03-20T22:05:00.003-05:00

For quite some time now, I've been looking for a job. There are lots of things I would love to do with a little extra cash - give to the church, help out my parents, save for my future, maybe buy some more craft supplies... :) However, I've been applying and interviewing to no avail.

About a week and a half ago a lady from my church called me with a tip that Applebee's is hiring and that I should try there. I'm not going to lie, I honestly didn't see the point. I'd tried so many times at so many places! What's the use? But I went in and applied, meeting one of the managers, and got an interview! Yay! One step closer!

This past Thursday, I went to my interview, and it went really, really well. Extraordinarily well, actually. I'm supposed to call Applebee's back if I haven't heard from them by 10:30 Saturday morning. Manager's orders.

I'm posting about this, not because I'm guaranteed I have a job, but because I learned something really important. I believe God waited as long as He did to get me this far because I didn't love Him like I should have. You see, had I gotten an interview before, I may have been tempted to say I'd work Wednesday evening, or even Sunday, which I know isn't something God wants for me. God shaped my heart before He gave me such an opportunity.

Thankfully, Applebee's seems really cool with me not working Wednesday evening or Sundays. Like I said, I haven't gotten the job or anything, but it's cool to see how far God will allow the doors to open when you do what pleases Him.

Crafty Cards!!

2009-03-20T21:42:00.004-05:00

A couple of my cards:

I made this card for my cousin who was born on St. Patrick's Day. I got the idea for the card out of a book I got from the library. They used red as the main color, and had a pair of high heels where my clover is, but that didn't work for my 9-year-old recipient, so I changed it. Obviously her favorite color is green! LOL

This is the card I made for Katherine, my friend from the nursing home our church visits. The ribbon ties the card and picture frame I made for her together into a gift-like package. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to get it to her. I hope and pray God will give me the opportunity to do so soon!

Those are just a couple I've made. I plan on making lots more. I love to make cards. Absolutely LOVE it. My pastor's wife tells me that God will use my passion for paper to bring glory to Him, and I pray she's right. How cool would that be?! Doing something I love to bring glory to the One I love most! Awesome! I hope to have more cards to post soon.^^

I'M ALIVE!!!

2009-03-15T00:56:00.004-05:00

I was scolded by my mother for not updating in a while, so I figured that a month is long enough to wait. ^^

I haven't updated in a while for a few reasons, but the main reason is I was misusing it. You see, I was filling the needs of others, not because it was something Jesus wanted me to do, but because I didn't want to look bad on my blog. I know, lame. And stupid. So, I took a break and worked on getting my priorities straight. Which I think has been going quite well. :)

I've been enjoying my Bible reading rather than treating it like a chore, and I've been talking to God with the utmost of honesty about absolutely everything. Turns out, God knows how much I want my own house to clean and decorate and take care of. He knows how much I want to start my own family. He understands that I don't really know what I'm supposed to be doing, and He's been helping me get through it all. He's finally becoming my best friend. ^_^

Something else I noticed is I've been making more cards. I love to make cards, and, ironically enough, after I stopped blogging about filling needs, I actually started filling more of them. After I put God in the number one slot where He belongs, He started showing me how I could reach out with my passsion for paper. I made a card for a lady who's come to our church a couple times, but, being busy as a foster mom, she hasn't come in a while. I aslo made a card for Mary Katherine, a wonderful lady I met on our trips to a local nursing home. I plan on taking it to her Tuesday. I was going to mail it, but I don't know her last name, and I don't know if it would get to her or not. >.<

Sssooo, that's that. My updated blog post. LOL I'll post again SOON!

'Til next time!

*This post is dedicated to me mumsy, who apparently likes my blog :) *

The Tarp Post

2009-02-13T16:04:00.005-06:00

It's been a minute since I've updated, so I thought I'd post today. Plus I have time! Yay! LOL

My mum was reading my blog the other day, and she pointed out that I posted about Dad going to the hospital, but I didn't post when he came home. Just to clarify, my dad did come home last Wednesday. He's doing TONS better. Thank you all for your prayers. He's doing so well. It's such a relief to have my dad back. Love you, Daddy!^^

As for Filling Needs for February (I like the alliteration. Such a nerd...), I gave a bag of clothes to my neighbor who lost her house. I had a whole bunch of things I'd outgrown, so I washed it and took it over.

I've also been taking my chores more seriously. Mum gave me Kitchen Duty, and I've been doing my best to take care of it like I would my own kitchen. I'm not going to lie, it's hard not being out on my own sometimes, so I "play house" here. LOL The kitchen has been kept up quite well though, and so has my laundry, which I usually slack on.

I cooked some eggrolls for Dad the other day, and he said it was so good that he threatened to eat his hands because they smelled like eggroll. LOL This may not seem like a big deal to you, but I'm considered the Microwave Queen, the Un-Chef, and the Oven Mitt Mutilator (I caught one on fire once!). It was nice to cook something and really have my dad enjoy it.^^

Lastly, I'd like to ask for your prayers on my own behalf. I've been having a hard time with my little brother. I've been losing my temper with him a lot, and it's not helping our relationship. I realize that I need to keep my cool even when things get crazy, and I need to love him like Jesus loves him, so please pray that I will be able to do that. Thanks so much!

'Til next post!

PICTURES!!!

2009-02-11T17:29:00.006-06:00

The sun setting over Deleware Lake

The tiniest maple leaf ever!

Pretty yellow berries

At the park was a giant hill that had eroded until it was just half a hill. It was totally awesome-looking, so Joshua walked into four inches of pretty chilly water to get a picture. >.<

This is the sledding hill that he thought would be a good idea to hike up. It was slushy, muddy, and steep. I was in my only decent pair of sneakers, but I agreed to it anyway. The picture doesn't quite do it justice. It was reeeeeeeeeeealy steep.

Top of the sledding hill

Josh thought it would be funny to take a picture of the "Reddick Shelter" sign because I thought it said "Redneck Shelter". Dork.

Then he found a lost relic and decided to take a picture.

My photographic skills^^

It's hard to see because of the lighting, but it's a torn open wasps' nest. Or some kind of flying, stinging insect nest. >.<

I was joking with Joshua that this tree was big enough to stuff him in if he kept taking the camera/phone from me.

This one's a bridge. Obviously.^^

I'm out of pictures for now, but I'll probably post more some other time. I'm new at the whole picture-taking, picture-posting process, but I'll get the hang of it.^^ 'Til next time!

And Then The Roller Coaster Took a Sharp Left...

2009-02-09T20:31:00.004-06:00

Last night my neighbor's trailer burned to the ground. Everyone got out okay, but now a family of six is without their home. At the moment they're staying with family, just to the left of my house.

I cried as I watched it burn, repeating over and over again that it wasn't fair. This family has faced so many heartaches these past couple years. There is something I've noticed about them though - they don't give up. They stick together like a real family should, they pray, and they persevere. At this very moment, a woman, her son, her daughter, her son-in-law, her four grandchildren, and several of her friends, are sitting next door laughing. They're enjoying each others' company, sharing stories, and getting through the tough times with a whole lot of hope and faith that things will get better.

Though the family isn't of my denomination, though they're not of my race, they're amazing people who have taught me so much. I love you and your family, Esther. I'll be praying for you all.

Nature Walk!

2009-02-07T22:09:00.003-06:00

Joshua and I took a nature walk today at the Fort Harrison State Park. It. Was. Awesome! I wasn't feeling well, but oddly enough, I felt better outside than I did at home. Maybe I'm allergic to my house? LOL Here are a couple pictures of my souvenirs. There are more pictures on Joshua's phone as soon as we figure out how to get them onto the computer. >.<

This is my fun little plant thing. I thought it was adorable. If you turn it so it's standing up, it looks like a tree from Whoville. Ya know, Dr.Seuss!

See! Just imagine it pink. LOL

Joshua actually managed to find me a flower in the middle of winter! It's dry and dead, but it's still pretty. Plus, the branch smells kinda minty, so it's like it's still alive. LOL

Like I said, there are more pictures. I'll have them up soon hopefully!

Let's Play Catch-Up! And Add a Thought to the End

2009-02-05T22:50:00.000-06:00

Day Three

Four hours of my day was spent exclusively with my amazing mum. She was having a tough time with my dad being in the hospital and wasn't able to sleep. So, from 12AM-4AM we had battled it out in Uno. It was nice to spend time with her and to be able to distract her from her sadness.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day Four

My lack of Bible-reading caught up with me, and I wasn't provided with a need to meet. However, I had one of my needs met at our mid-week Prayer Gathering. Apparently there were a few of us who had fallen out of the reading routine, and it was manifesting itself in an overall blah-feeling. God put me back on track, and I'm so happy for it!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Day Five

Today I helped my PW pick out, fill out, and stamp a card to send out from our church family to some members celebrating their anniversary. I have to drop it in the mailbox.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
And Now the Thought

I'm not gonna lie, I was hoping for some bigger needs to meet when I was planning in January. Something monumental that would change the world and me for the better. Apparently God has different plans for me. I'm going to continue to pray and continue to fill the needs that God shows me, and hopefully learn something along the way. I have to also remember that God's not going to give me anything big to do unless I first take care of the smaller things He's already given me. So, to the dishes I go. :)

Day Two

2009-02-02T12:00:00.000-06:00

February 2

Today for "Fulfilling Needs" I'm feeding my brothers while my mum is at the hospital with my dad. I'm also cleaning up around the house. It's nothing huge, but I think it's a great way to be a blessing to my mom.

Day One

2009-02-02T11:33:00.000-06:00

February 1

I got home really late last night from church, so I didn't finish meeting my need for yesterday, but I'll finish today. I'm making a card for my neighbor who is deaf. He and I had a brief conversation yesterday morning when he asked me how my dad was doing. He'd seen him taken by an ambulance to the hospital (more on that later) and wanted to make sure he was okay. God had spoken to my heart just minutes before talking with my neighbor on how I should be more neighborly and reach out to them. He and his girlfriend are both deaf, but I know for a fact that he (I don't know his name!) can read lips, and we've communicated through writing and simple signs before. My brother Brian, who has gigantic feet, has his own sign - pointing to your shoe. LOL

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My dad went to the hospital Saturday due to horrible stomach pains and excessive vomitting. He has Chron's Disease, and it's really bad. The disease ate a hole through his large intestine, so they put him on two different antibiotics. He's also on two different steroids, potassium, dextrose, and ... wait, that might be it. Oh, and morphine. Yeah, lots o' drugs. He hasn't thrown up since Saturday, which is awesome, but he hasn't been able to eat or drink everything. We're avoiding surgery for the hole in his intestine because any trauma to his diseased organs will cause the Chron's to spread, in which case they'd have to keep cutting 'til there's nothing left for the Chron's to attack - esophogus to large intestine.

Please keep my dad in your prayers. He could definitely use it.

A New Month

2009-02-01T15:22:00.000-06:00

February 2009

Cause: Filling needs (slightly different than what I'd been planning on doing pre-January, but something Jesus wants us to do, and something I feel I should be doing more of)

Action: Pray and ask God daily to help me recognize the needs of others; Meet at least one need daily - small or large; Share what I'm doing with others, i.e. blog :)

I'm going to meet a need today, I'm determined to. Since I took a longer nap than I meant to (you have to turn the alarm on, not just set it >.< ), I'm getting a later start than I wanted, but I have a pretty good idea of what I'm doing today. God spoke to my heart this morning before church and then reinforced it with a conversation not much later.

I'll update later tonight with my met need.

Hopefully I'll be able to update daily what I'm doing. Regardless of whether or not I update every day, I'm meeting needs Sunday-Saturday.

Oh, and also...

2009-01-26T21:03:00.000-06:00

I ran into a problem with my "Cause of the Month". I did some reading, I cleaned out my closets, I wrote a post... Then I realized I didn't know what else to do. Heh... Yeah. I'll work on better planning for next month. >.<

Seriously though next month will be much better, I promise. I'm working now to get some ideas together, and I'm actually going to seek some advice from others rather than try to do it all on my own.

It's slighty embarassing that this month kinda flopped, but I'm looking at it as motivation to do better next time. Whoot!^^

I'll Have the Seakitten Sticks!

2009-01-26T20:10:00.000-06:00

I realized last night that, not only have I not updated my blog in a while, I haven't included the "Creating" part in my posts. I decided to do that today.^^

I love crafts. Here lately I've been enjoying card-making. I found some really awesome books at the library and learned how to do more with what I have, which isn't much due to my economical state. (In other words, I'm broke. >.< ) I really like this waterfall mechanism I found in the book Paper Pop Up. I made a card using this technique for my boyfriend, and my brother saw it and loved it. So today I surprised him with one.

He loves fish, so I used that as my theme.

I then used the panels of the card for a small comic strip. By the way, PETA really does want to change their names. ... You'll see.

I really like the way the card looks really complicated when in all actuality it's fairly simple. Here's an "action shot".

OOooo... Action shot. Sorry.

Anyhow, I thought I'd start making cards more often. Everyone enjoys receiving a card, and I enjoy making them and seeing others light up when they get it. It seems like a simple enough equasion.^^

Oh, and as an extra added bonus, here's a picture of my puppy.

Isn't she cute?!

Just an Update

2009-01-10T20:38:00.000-06:00

I have been extremely tired here lately, and I couldn't figure out why. For about a week or two, I've been gasping for air, and my heart would race for about a minute, and then I'd be fine again. Well, Friday I figured out why.

I arrived at the ER at 9:30 Friday morning hardly able to breathe. Being 19 now, and an adult, I had to fill out my own paperwork. Due to lack of oxygen to the brain, I was having a hard time thinking of words and putting them together in a sentence. So, when I had to fill out the reason why I was there, I put "rapid heartbeat; not enough air; numb toes and hands". Apparently "not enough air" is a good enough reason to get you back quickly. Which is awesome.

I was diagnosed with heart palpitations and had to get some pricks and pokes so they could draw some blood. They're testing me for a hyper- or hypo-active thyroid, the latter of which runs in my family. I have to go back this Tuesday so some more doctors can look at me and try to pinpoint exactly what's wrong and what they should do about it.

I'm not at all fond of being tired all the time. I'm not getting anything done, and the lack of air isn't helping. Please pray for me and the doctors that will be seeing me. Hopefully I'll be back to my projects in no time.^^

Pants vs. God - My Personal Story

2009-01-02T14:44:00.000-06:00

(First of all, I just want to say I never thought I'd type a title like that. Very rarely do I make myself giggle, but I did just now. >.< )

I don't wear pants! I wear skirts! I wear dresses! I wear culottes! As of three days ago, I wore pajama pants to bed, but even those are out! And the reason I threw pants out of my wardrobe is God doesn't want women to wear pants!

I had to shout it. I had to let the world know. My eleven-year-old cousin asked me a few weeks ago, "Sissy, why are you wearing a skirt? It's like three degrees out here!" I told her that I don't wear pants anymore, and then she asked the obvious next question, "Why?"

I had my opportunity to share with her a little bit about God and about Jesus, and instead of being excited like I should have been, for some reason I felt embarassed. "Because, now be quiet." What kind of answer is that? I felt so ashamed of myself later that I cried to God, asking for Him to forgive me and give me the opportunity to redeem myself, or at least try. And now my story.

Mrs.Kristy is my pastor's wife. I love her to death. I'm ashamed to say it wasn't always that way. When I first met Mrs.Kristy, God and I weren't getting along. At all. My heart was so against God and everything He stood for that when I met Mrs.Kristy I couldn't stand her because she LOVES God and EVERYTHING He stands for. She was a walking, talking, living, breathing Bible for me, and I couldn't stand it. When I noticed she only wore skirts, I was afraid she'd ask me to do the same. I whipped out my Bible to do some research, hoping to figure out ways to counter her skirt-attack.

Then I realized that I didn't really know how to use my Bible, so I just did my Bible reading Pastor had given at Learning Environments. I read Deuteronomy 21 and 22, and came across an interesting verse, one I'm sure you've heard at least reference to. "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God." I'd found Deuteronomy 22:5. I took note of the passage and thought to myself, "Well, I found these jeans in the women's section, so I'm fine."

A few days later I found a verse related to modesty, and I can't for the life of me find where I wrote it down in my notes. It was then that I decided that I wouldn't wear my jeans. They were extremely tight, and not at all modest. But my sweatpants? Come on. There was nothing immodest about them. So, I wore them.

It wasn't long after that Pastor invited my boyfriend Joshua and I to visit his family in Illinois. So, we packed up and went. I don't remember if it was the ride there or the ride back when Mrs.Kristy drove, but whichever it was, I was stuck up front with her. She'd started to grow on me, but there was still the skirt thing. Did I have to wear them all the time? Really? I asked her about skirts, and we talked for a while, and what I got out of it was this: Women are supposed to be modest. We're not supposed to draw attention to our body that will cause others to sin.

I could totally pull that off in sweatpants. Sweatpants aren't going to give anyone unsavory thoughts. But then they did. I noticed that people, well guys, were still looking at me. I went home from the store, after being looked at once again, and prayed. I asked God to forgive me because I realized that I'd done wrong. You really can't be modest in pants. Really. Not even the sweatpants. Women are full of curves, which aren't wrong to have, but are wrong to show off to others. Pants are going to show off your body in a way that a skirt never will. You can't see every detail of a woman's body with a skirt, but pants are made to hug the body, even the sweat pants or "loose-fitting" pants. Dressing immodestly is going to cause someone else to sin. I didn't want that. I wanted to be closer to God and realized that even the sweatpants had to go.

So, the pants are gone, the skirts and dresses are in, and I love my pastor's wife. She's an amazing lady who, thank God, didn't give up on me and my hateful attitude. And God and I continue to grow closer, too. Thank you, God, for not giving up on me and my hateful attitude, my sinful tendencies, and my efforts that will always fall short. Thank you, God, for Jesus, for Your Word that I can enjoy and learn from, and for Your love.

Pants: 0
God: All

A Cause I Believe In ... Part I

2008-12-28T12:37:00.000-06:00

What would it look like if everyone put 100% of their effort into a cause they believed in?

It's a question to ponder. What could you accomplish if you put all frivolous things aside and focused your energy on something that was truly important to you? This is assuming you know what's important to you. Many people say that something is important to them, but then do something that completely contradicts that fact. They'll say they believe in something, but if you watch them, their actions tell you otherwise. Blue Like Jazz author Donald Miller wrote, "What I believe is not what I say I believe; What I believe is what I do." What do you do to support your so-called beliefs? A lot? A little? Anything at all?

I am in no way excluding myself as a reciever of this message. In fact, this whole to-do was written with myself in mind. What am I doing to support my beliefs? My resolution for this new year was at first to be a better follower of Jesus. That's very vague, so I revised it to say, "I want to be a better follower of Jesus, and I will do this by standing up for the things I believe in and sharing them with others." This is also somewhat vague, but because I'm not doing a whole lot to voice my opinion, anything at all would be an improvement.^^ Besides, I'd like some room to be creative.

So, my first cause: Modesty.

This hasn't always been an issue with me. I would tell you that it bothered me when the cheerleaders wore short skirts and jumped around, and that may have led you to think I cared about modesty, but if you went through my closet you'd soon come to the conclusion that I was a hypocrite. And I was. I wore jeans so tight you could see the date on the dime in my back pocket. And they were always the low-rise or super low-rise or even dangerously-low rise jeans. The neckline of my shirts dipped dangerously low themselves, and when I wore shorts... Were those even considered outerwear?!

Looking back (to just this past year even), I can't imagine what my rationale was for this behavior. I wore clothes (can you even call them that?!) that showed off my body in order to attract attention. That's all I wanted was attention. I didn't even consider who I was getting the attention from, and I don't think any young girl stops to to think about whose eyes they're drawing to themselves. You're going to catch whatever you put bait out for, and dressing with sex in mind is going to get you just that - sex. And nothing more. It's not going to get you love. It's not going to get you friendship. It's going to get you into a heck of a lot of trouble, that's for sure, but really, what else?

There are many things that are important to me, but modesty is something new that God has brought into my life, and I want to share it with other young ladies who will come after me. I understand what they're doing, and even understand why to a point, but I also know the other side, the God-pleasing, self-respecting side, and it is so much better. It's the way God intended us to be. Not just ladies, but everyone. I simply focus on the ladies because I have more experience in that area seeings how I am one.^^

I'm going to put 100% of my effort into serving God this next year, and my focus for January will be Modesty. I want to share my mini, month-long journey with you here, so stay with me. I'm not quite done. I'll have more posts on the topic in January. Hopefully by then I'll have pictures up here and it won't be so drab. Whoot!

A Horrible, Gnawing Pain

2008-12-18T06:49:00.000-06:00

This past Sunday evening, my church went to a local nursing home to go caroling. I didn't even know people still did that. I thought it was just something done long ago or in Movie Land, but apparently real people still do it to be a blessing to others.

So, I, with my horrible singing voice, caroled along with the others in front of a group of about 20 elderly people. It was... so unreal. I thought I'd be terrified, but it was more like I was asleep, and my dream-self was fading in and out from the nursing home scene to a far off desert, though that may have just been the heat. (It was 81 degrees in that place...) After we sang a handful of songs in the main gathering space, we went around shaking hands, smiling, and wishing everyone a "Merry Christmas". Most of the residents were in wheelchairs, and some were asleep, though others, I'd noticed, had been singing with us. I had one more thing in common with the people who had sung along, so I smiled and thanked them for their enthusiasm. Then we went caroling down the halls...

It was so horrible. The people we sang to while walking down the halls were the ones who'd already fallen asleep or simply couldn't get out of their beds. When we reached the end of the hall, we finished singing, then dispersed to wish the rest of the residents a "Merry Christmas". As I walked down the hall, I saw lights and heard a TV from the room just ahead of me, so I made my way there quickly. When I entered the room, there lay a man, whose name, I later learned, was Michael. I tried my best not to stare at his swollen cranium, probably due to a brain tumor or something equally as horrendous, and quickly stated my line. I went to shake his hand, and stood utterly horrified when I realized he had no limbs. I wasn't horrified by the fact he didn't have any arms or legs, but rather that I'd made a fool of myself and possibly offended the poor man. I looked up into his eyes, which were so sad and ... empty? He didn't utter a word, just sat there looking at me, with so much sadness that I had to look away. I tried to recover by commenting on the Blue's Clues he was watching, but I could only stand another second before I wished him a "Happy New Year" and left. Stupid girl.

I cried. Tears silently slid down my face as I walked down the hall back towards the exit. I popped into a few more rooms, but I couldn't get that horrible, sickening feeling to go away. I made a friend while standing near the exit, Katherine, who, as sweet as she was, couldn't ease that pain still gnawing away at my stomach.

I don't understand how people can be left like that. Maybe their families just couldn't stand to see them in such pain, so they left them to be taken care of by others. It may have been the only thing they could afford. Maybe they didn't have family. Another thing I don't understand is how those people go on living. Michael, for example, looked absolutely miserable. Just to look in his eyes.... It was like hearing him scream for help, but worse because the torment was so bad, he couldn't scream.

I pray for the residents of the nursing home, and everyone like them. I pray that God gives me the opportunity to go back and be a better blessing. And I thank God for teaching me about aging, family, and pain, even though they were tough lessons to learn.

You Better Watch Those Ps and Qs, and Maybe Even Your Rs...

2008-12-09T19:17:00.000-06:00

Today was a day of learning for me. Today is Tuesday, and I wasn't sick, and neither was my PW, which means we spent the day together to further my studies as a woman after God's heart. This is supposed to be the plan for every week, but the late illnesses have thrown a monkey wrench - or sledge hammer, whichever you prefer - into our plans. But this Tuesday worked out smoothly. Whoot!

Moving on, Mrs.K and I spent about an hour and a half to two hours studying the book of Ruth, chapters one and two. I loved it. I loved her style of studying, learning, teaching, observing, and perceiving. She taught me a different way of looking at things, which really helped me. I'm not entirely good at reading between the lines of the Bible, and by that I don't mean making up my own stuff to put in there. I mean that I can't visualize the details of what might have happened unless they were specifically mentioned. I don't know why, but I can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that this is an account of what happened, but not every detail is listed.

For example, take Ruth 2:5,6: "Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this? And the servant that was set over the reapers answered and said, It is the Moabitish damsel that came back with Naomi out of the country of Moab" I never would have thought how this servant may have found out about Ruth. As the study continued however, Mrs.K mentioned gossip and how fast news traveled by mouth. I never would have thought to add that to the movie going on in my head. I must admit, the movie in my head is really boring, and one that I'd never watch in real life. >.< It was just really neat to be able to see how she (Mrs.K) thinks and how she takes what's in the Bible and doesn't change it, but comes to her own conclusions from what's written. I like that. It's something that I need to work on.

On to my second lesson for the day...

Mrs.K, before the Bible study, ran into the store for a moment leaving me in the van with her two-year-old daughter, Audrey. I was doing my best to hold a conversation with Audrey, who wanted nothing to do with small talk about how she was feeling and how the weather was and instead wanted to talk about her pink pony and how amazing her book was, when all of the sudden she turned the conversation onto her mother. She was obviously fed up with me. Anyhow, she asked what her mother was doing, and I replied that she was buying lunch for Trey and Grace, Audrey's older siblings, so she could run them over to the school. Audrey looked at me with her fiery red hair poking out from under her clashing-but-adorable pink hat and with her tiny eyebrows furrowed and said, "No, she's buying ice cream." I answered her in that tone older people take with young kids trying to sound fun and light-hearted, "Noooo, she's not buying ice cream!" Do you know what she said to me? "Pft!" ... She "pft"ed me!

My eyes were the size of saucers, I'm sure. You see, Audrey's two. She's not supposed to have responses like "Pft!" and say things like "Niiiiiiice" in reaction to someone moving a huge load of cookies into the Aldi's, which she said a few weeks ago, but she does! And then I noticed that those are things I say. Those are responses I have logged into my vocabulary. I realized that, although I may not be Audrey's favorite person (that has to be either her parents or Joshua, not sure which), she watches me. She picks up on things I do. I have an impact on her. That was... well, kinda scary actually. To think that I have an influence on other people's children is quite a wake-up call. This is a HUGE responsibility. I need to really watch my Ps and Qs here. I'm not just affecting myself in this life; I'm being watched, and I'm teaching others.

I think this is something we all need to keep in mind, something that we all need to realize and react to. As my Pastor says, "we're not supposed to do this [the journey] alone", and you definitely aren't alone. You're learning and teaching, whether you realize it or not.

Taking the First Step...

2008-12-08T18:59:00.000-06:00

I am creating a blog. Again. Hopefully this time I'm able to stay on top of things and make it worth reading. My last blog wasn't even fun for me, which pretty much means it wasn't worth having. Anyway! Moving on...

This blog post is the first step for me in a long journey. I hope my "journey" has more substance than the cliche I used to desribe it. Anyhow, I am trying to gather my life together and head in a new direction with it. I accepted Jesus into my heart and life this past March, and I feel that I've grown a lot even since then. I plan on continuing that growing process and documenting it here for the world to see. And for me to keep track of.^^

I want to do so much with my life, none of which would really generate me any kind of income. It's sad that I won't be able to support myself with my passion(s) (at least not at the moment), but at the same time, I don't care because I love it so much, hence "passion(s)". (I have to stop with the parentheses...) Some of the things that I absolutely love to do include crafting. I LOVE making things. I currently have this desire to sew, but at the moment I have no working sewing machine, just lots of fabric, dreams, and antsy fingers. It's sad really. I also want to learn to cook, something that can't be too terribly hard, yet something that I haven't yet mastered. I also happen to love God. I love to write lesson plans for Bible studies, and I even taught one once, but that was a while ago. I hope to start up a young ladies' Bible study in my neighborhood eventually, but there are preparations that need taking care of first.

I told you all that to tell you this: I hope to take all my passions and combine them into something amazing. I want to decorate my church and my eventual Bible studies with my crafts. I want to sew gifts for the people around me that I love. I want to cook and host those that come to my Bible studies and to my church. I want to learn to play the piano and lead a group of people in song, singing directly to our Father in Heaven. I want so much to do so much more for God, and I don't even know how exactly to do that, but I figure that I can't go wrong by using my talents that God has given me to bring glory to Him.

I want my blog to not just document what I've done so I can come back and look at it later, but also so that someone reading in another city, state, country, point in their journey can read what I'm writing and give me their opinions, comments, constructive criticisms, bits of encouragement, and stories of wisdom. I want, not only to inspire those that read my blog to use their talents to bring glory to God, but I also want you to comment me and inspire me with your words. I want a place where I can further communicate with the ladies in my Bible study group, and I want a place where I can share what I'm doing in my life. And, in the process, I'll try to keep it from being boring.^^

'Til next post,
Brittany :)